Universal Anomaly
by Btralox
Summary: In most stories when someone goes from the real world to the fantasy world they somehow always end up as either over powered or greatly under-powered. Somehow I manage to be neither...and also both.
1. Chapter 1

So I've tried writing a One Piece story several times without much success, but the concepts I have just won't seem to leave me, so I decided to try once more to write this, though this time I won't base him on me, but someone else I know. I was inspired by this from Visual Pun's story Annotated.

So. Once again. Here we go!

I open the door of my old 02 Stratus with a body check before turning in the driver seat and stretching my legs with a groan of relief. Nine hours of driving are great for making one appreciate a good leg stretch. I'm just glad my Uncle's old cabin was a little south of Atlanta instead of a little north. Driving through Atlanta would have added another three hours onto the already arduous trip. It seemed to be well worth the drive though, the fall air held the crisp smell of cooler weather despite the trees all still sporting green leaves, and a brisk wind brought a smile to my face.

As a Floridian, cool weather like this was about as nice as it got.

"So are you just going to sit there or are you going to let me out of the car?" An annoyed female voice spoke from behind me.

"Why don't you get out your own door?" A deep voice inquired from the back seat with far too much innocence.

I turn my head to look into the car to see Jessie giving her patented resting bitch face look over her shoulder into the back seat, her short chestnut hair framing her face in a way that I found to be rather striking. Without breaking eye-contact her right hand gave a few yanks on the passenger side door to no effect.

"Gee, Gideon, it doesn't appear to be working. Like the last fifty times I tried it."

I could feel my brother's smile as I climbed out of the piece of crap I called my car, the door to the backseat opened next to me and my brother stood up out of the car as well, the cheery smile in the same place it always was, right on his lumberjack bearded face.

"For shame Ben, not having a working front-passenger side door." Gideon chided as he pulled his pillow and backpack of electronics out of the back seat.

"It doesn't open because of the accident you had in the car before I ever bought it from you!" I snapped out.

"Yeah, but it's not like I hid it or anything. You bought it knowing about the damage and when I sold it to you for only two-hundred bucks. Thus I can no longer be blamed for the malfunctions of the vehicle and, ergo, it is your fault."

"You actually bought this piece of shit?" Jessie asked as she too exited the car though by means of crawling across the driver seat. I distinctly did NOT look down her blouse at a lovely swaying motion as she exited.

"Trust me. I have buyers remorse." I replied.

The thing wasn't actually that bad. It worked, it had AC, if only when the air was on its highest setting, and had personally carried me over thirty thousand miles. Getting it for two hundred dollars was a steal, but I couldn't let Gideon think I was overly ingratiated to him. He was already doing me a favor by coming up here with me. My uncle wouldn't let me come up here by myself with a girl I wasn't married to. Thus Gideon asked off work to come along despite not particularly liking my uncle's cabin in the backwoods of Georgia.

I didn't know what my Uncle was so worried about. This wasn't even a date. I think. Probably. I'm not the best person to ask though. I have never once claimed to understand the female mind.

"If we hurry we can still shoot a few targets." Jessie says brightly, "So lets get this stuff in the cabin and be on our way!"

"Nah, I got it." Gideon says, "You two go ahead and go to the pond. I'll bring the stuff in and catch up."

"Yes!" Jessie trumpets with a fist bump as her hand givess a slight caress to the Desert Eagle in the holster on her hip. "Pop the trunk and grab your stuff so we can go!"

Jessie is a unique individual. She enjoyed comics, movies, tabletop games, and knowing that with a twitch of a finger she can blow away most things on God's green earth.

You know. The refined things in life.

I head to the trunk and quickly retrieve my own gun, a .308 Winchester hunting rifle, my brown canvas jacket, and my tackle box I had repurposed to hold my ammo and accessories for my gun. I put on the jacket, put the strap of the gun over one shoulder, and bend down to lace up my boots.

"Ugh! Stop tying your shoes and let's go blow shit up!" Jessie complains.

"He's not tying his shoes, his scratching his other head." Gideon says as he waggs his eyebrows and passes by me with an armful of luggage.

I duck my head, so no one can see my now burning face. I choose to say nothing. Any reaction I give would only encourage the man-child.

"That's terrible." Jessie says with a failed attempt to hide her mirth. "Your sense of humor could use an adjustment."

"Nah! My sense of humor is for me, whether anyone else finds it funny or not is only tangentially related to my enjoyment!" He cries over his shoulder before heading into the cabin.

"Your brother is a mess." Jessie says with a shake of her head.

"Yeah. I tried to retrain him. But he was the older brother and already stuck in his ways before I could make him a decent human being."

"Have you tried a spray bottle and treats when he's good?"

"Sure. How do you think I got him to stop going on the carpet?" I reply smoothly.

Okay. So my brother's sense of humor might have infected me. So what? I make it look good.

Jessie seemed to agree as she lets out a laugh. She has a nice laugh. She doesn't have a demure or petit laugh, she has a laugh that her whole body seemed to want to participate in as her shoulder threw back and her voice project out with no thought as to who could be listening.

It is beautiful.

"You got the targets?" I ask to change the direction of my thoughts.

"Right here." She says as she withdraws a target decorated with the drawing of a zombie head from the bag at her side. The bag functioned as her purse, but it looks to be more of a messenger bag. As she puts the targets back in her bag a single target falls from her grasp. I bend down and pick up the paper before folding it and placing it in my back pocket.

It'll be the first thing I put up to shoot.

"So, you almost done with college?" She asks.

"University." I correct, "And yeah, one more semester and I will officially have a masters and begin my career in photonics engineering."

"Sweet. Make sure to let me know when you make the first Holodeck."

"Psht. First thing I'm making is a lightsaber." I joke back.

And then… **it** happened.

A barrage of sounds, colors, and ideas suddenly hit me like a sledge hammer. Not like I had a realization or anything, but like I was hit physically and with a mental pressure I imagine is like Professor X mind raping someone. One might say, Ben, you can't get hit with ideas like that, to I now say "Shut the fuck up, you don't know what you are talking about."

Apparently, I at some point passed out because the next thing I know I feel something hit me like a freight train and send me flying. Which is weird, because the hit didn't hurt. At all. Which it should have if it was capable of sending me flying. But I don't feel so much as bruised though that may change when I land.

…

Which should have happened by now.

I'm sill falling.

…

…

I override my fear of the height with the anxiety of not knowing and crack open my eyes to see the breathtaking view of the ocean. And also ocean. And more ocean until for a moment I spin enough to an immense red cliff spanning as far as the eye can see.

I look back down at the approaching water and have but one thought.

At least I don't have to pay off that fifty thousand dollars of student loans.

Then I hit the ocean with a jarring splash that made my jaw jam shut, cutting out the screams I had been making. Again, I didn't feel an ounce of pain when it should have felt like my bones had shattered into bite size pieces for the sea creatures I'd be feeding.

The taste of salt confirmed that I was in the ocean and years of swim practice had me quickly swimming back up to the surface and taking in a gasp of air…only for a wave to crash back down over me and knock me back under the water. I feel my clothes weighing me down as they absorbed water and became heavy, particularly my jacket. A shrug of my shoulder made sure my gun was still strapped there as well. I could try shrugging some of the weight off but I really wanted a gun and jacket if I wash up on an island with wild animals and no civilization. The thought process probably wasn't very logical but once you read a lot of isekai stories it kind of gets implanted in the back of your mind.

I've swam competitively for the last eight years. I know my limits. If it starts to get too much I can always drop it later.

The next fifteen minutes or so consist of me attempting to surface, getting a breath or two and being smacked back under water. I'm used to swimming and I've had worse practice drills but the redundancy is getting a bit irksome and the salt water constantly rushing into my nose and mouth is just slightly worse than the normal chlorinated water I'm used to.

When will the monotony-

Something grabs my arm!

Sweet hallelujah! A rescuer has come! That or an Octopus or something has grabbed my arm.

"Hold on tight!" A scratchy male voice yells. Yes!

The two of us move through the water with great jolts forward, my rescuer apparently holding onto a rope that's other end has other people pulling us up. My face smacks into aged wood and barnacles.

A boat! I'm saved!

I try to get a look at my rescuer but all I get a glimpse of is a decently muscular naked torso and black cotton pants. Or is it wool? I'm never quite sure the difference on sight alone but I am sure that the pants weren't made with the high precision of a machine.

Regardless, me and half-naked semi-macho man get pulled up onto the deck.

"Thank you! I thought I was going to drown! You guys really-" I cut myself off as I see the men around me. All of them looked out of a period piece. They wore clothing that was clearly hand sown and had cutlasses or flintlocks at their sides. All of them were looking at me rather how I imagine a pack of wolves look at the sickly sheep that's falling behind from the rest of the pack.

"Don't worry. It's our pleasure." Said a man that looked to be in a close approximation of a tuxedo if it weren't for the obvious hand stitching. "Not every day money just falls into your lap like this."

They think I'm a pay day? Ha! Jokes on them. I have more debt that Kratos has anger issues.

I look around the ship and then up to the mast to see a black flag with a skull and two stacks of dollar bills crossed behind it.

Oh. Damn. I think I've been Isekai'd.

"So. Uh. I don't suppose that you guys are fishermen or just really dedicated LARPers?"

"Dedicated what?" Mr. Semi-Macho man asked.

Yeah. That's what I figured.

…damn it.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

"So where's your brand?" The pseudo-tuxedo man asks me in expectation, his fingers idly stroking the blade of his cutlass.

"Uh…I don't really wear brand name stuff." I reply. Brand? What the hell was he talking about.

"Don't play dumb with me. You just fell from Mary Geoise. Only three types of people up there; Tenryubito, Marines, and Slaves. And you don't look like any sort of World Nobel." Mr. Devil-wears-knock-off-Prada says.

Oh shit.

This is One Piece.

…Oh SHIT!

Man this world sucks to live in! The government is corrupted at the highest level the weak are trotted upon and the strong had to fight constantly to keep their place in the world!

Well…actually that describes my world too.

Though this world does it with super powers and giant monsters instead of nukes and banking institutions…okay yeah, this world might actually be better when you look at it that way. Still, I need to be careful, especially since he mentioned Mare Geoise. I in no way want to spend the rest of my days obeying the whims of the Tenryuobi, that would likely be a fate worse than death.

"And what makes you think I'm a pay day? Who the hell are you anyways?" I ask as two men step up to my sides and place strong grips on both my shoulders. My status on this ship has changed from guest to prisoner.

"The World Nobel's pay handsomely for returned slaves. As for who I am," the man does a artistic flourish that looked less like swordsmanship and more like a cheerlead with a baton, "I am Eugene! Captain of the Beli Beli pirates! The most feared man from the East Blue!"

Belly Belly? But…none of them are fat.

Wait. What did he say? Most feared pirate from the East Blue? Yeah right.

Oh. The disbelief must have shown on my face because now there's a pistol held to my head.

Oh fuck! Don't make him mad! Don't make him mad! I don't wanna die!

"Something you want to share, slave?" Eugene asks.

"Oh. Um. No offense or anything Mr. Eugene sir. I had just heard, from very unreliable sources mind you, that Gol D Rodgers is the most feared pirate from the East Blue."

The man blinked twice before lowering the gun, "Oh, is that all? Psh he doesn't count anymore. He died months ago."

…months?

MONTHS?

When the hell am I?

"Find his brand and then set sail for the bounty office!" Eugene yells as he turns around and sheathes his sword. Apparently deciding that our encounter is over.

I feel my left eye twitch. I hate being dismissed, even on the occasions like this where it's probably a good thing, and before my good sense could speak up my mouth decides it wants the taste of foot.

"And what if I'm not a slave?" I speak in challenge.

Eugene stops in his tracks, his back to me. "Well then. I guess that would make you a Marine, and on this crew-" the captain reaches into his coat and pulls out a pistol, the hammer of the pistol pulling back with a theatrical click, "-Marines receive no quarter."

I feel a shiver down my spine. Despite the man's hammieness and his ridiculous outfit, he scared me. In that moment I knew, without a doubt, this man was a murder. Not a soldier, not a peace keeper, but a human who kills other humans because it's convenient for him. Maybe even fun.

I've never met someone like that before.

Scary.

He's scary.

I'm no Marine. If I swear I'm a slave. Say I escaped when they were going to brand me, they might believe me. It will likely turn me into a slave, sure, but I would be alive! I can keep my life!

But it would cost me my freedom.

My choice is obvious.

I mule kick one of the men behind me in the balls, he drops with a bunch of high pitched choking sounds. I have no bullets, but my rifle acts as a suitably good bludgeoning tool to smack into the face of the man holding my other shoulder.

"I'm no Marine, but I'm no slave either! Not the Celestial Dragons, not the world governments, and damn sure not yours. Accept that or bring it!"

There is a stunned silence on the ship, except for the few veterans on the ship who take the brief respite to fumble for their guns. I am in the middle of at least thirty men, all of which are armed with guns and swords, and all of which want to kill me. The chance of me getting out of this are slim to none. This probably isn't the wisest choice, but all I can think of is my seventh-grade history class. The first time I truly saw information on the Holocaust and how horrible one human can be to another. How far it went and how low a human can be brought. And how all I could do…was wonder why they didn't fight, didn't resist, didn't refuse the mistreatment. I remembered swearing to myself I would never be brought low like that. That I would sooner fight and die then go through that sort of hell.

I intend to keep that promise.

"For pony!" I scream as I give a dashing golf swing into the gonads of another man.

Hey, what works, right?

I finish my swing and hear a loud bang at the same time I feel something smack into my forehead making me stumble for a second. That second was long enough for the crew to get its act together and fill the air with booms and lead. I feel over dozen impacts across my body that rather remind me of the time I played paintball with frozen ammunition.

That's it. I'm dead. Gone. Time to whisper Rosebud and…and…

I'm not dead.

I'm not even in pain. None of the impacts carried any pain with them at all. A quick pat down with my hands verifies that I'm not bleeding and even my clothes are all still intact.

So…

Either these guys have terrible aim…or I'm bullet proof.

"Well that's a thing." I say aloud. Everyone takes a moment to glance around, unsure of what to do. I doubted they will just let me go so… "Bring it motha-fukas!"

I leap forward and jam the tip of my gun into a pirate's eye.

I have enhanced durability. It might just apply to blunt force. This is One Piece, Luffy's worked this way so I might have other similar problems. The pirates either realize that as well or just don't want to reload, as they all pulled out various bladed weapons and began to charge me as one.

Everyone but Captain Eugene.

Damn. I was going to see if I could take him hostage and bargain for an escape craft with the remaining Belly Belly pirates…that is such a dumb name. Why where they even called that? Except for semi-macho man earlier none of them are even exposing their stomach and none of them are fat at all.

Maybe they are all just chubby chasers?

I deflect and dodge as best I can but it only takes a second or two to confirm that I appear to be immune to bladed weapons too!

I immediately use it to my advantage. Letting blows land in exchange for brutal counter attacks, always remembering the self defense instruction I got to aim for groin, eyes, nose, throat and maybe diaphragm if the rest aren't available.

Then someone goes low behind me and tackles my feet out from under me. Then they started to stomp and jump on me like I was the stage in a Riverdance show. I can't move. Anytime I try to get up or grab one of their legs a foot slams me back down to the ground. I snarl and scream and bite and scratch. Landing any blow I can however I can. Even still, I have not felt the least bit of pain.

I'm not sure how much time passes in my frenzy but the men around me begin to tire. They don't stop quite so hard or quite so often. I manage to get to my knees a few times before being once again knocked down.

I'm not getting tired. I'm not even sweating.

But they are.

"Captain! This isn't working!" A voice yells, sounding terrified.

"Bah! He probably just ate a devil fruit! Even they have their weaknesses."

The stomping stomps and several men just stand on me to keep me in place. I get a brief glimpse of Eugene's face looming over me.

"Guess we have to get creative then."

After a brief moment where they learn it's very difficult to fight someone who is on fire they bring out a large wooden chest.

A chest that looks just my size.

Oh damn. That might work. I probably could suffocate or drown!

Plus the chest looks very sturdy. The outside is reinforced with metal along the edges and the wood was at least two inches thick. It would take me a while to escape out of something like that! I fight back as much as I can, but that many men versus me alone soon has me pushed into the chest.

I did manage to keep my rifle though! Someone tried to take it from me and…I think I might have bitten their finger off. And maybe swallowed it.

Fight or flight. It's a hell of a drug.

I hear the sound of chains, several bumps and thuds, and feel the chest being lifted and placed down a few times before I feel myself free falling for half a second.

Then I hear the splash.

Well the chest might be airtight? I could live long enough to-

Nope, never mind. Water is leaking through at several points on the chest. There is no way I can break out in time.

I-

I'm going to die alone. In a box at sea that no one will ever find.

Well maybe.

I might live through this like all that other shit. I mean this is One Piece, you can live through pretty much everything short of a magma fist through the chest.

…damn I just made myself more sad.

Wait…I had my phone in my pocket. I wonder if-

I pull out my phone and the interior of the chest lights up.

"Haha!" I yell triumphantly. The phone still worked! And it still had thirty-six percent charge remaining! I could be about to die, but at least I can die to good music.

 _Hubba Hubba Zoot Zoot!_ The phone played. Well…okay maybe not good music, but at least music that makes me smile.

The water is past my hip already. _Hebba Hebba Zat Zat._

I wonder how time works between this world and mine? Does it pass slower or faster? Well…being completely unrelated with each other works too I guess seeing as how I'm in the past of One Piece before the series even started. I mean, Rodgers is recently dead and Ace might not even be born yet. Ohara would probably be happening around now. Wish I could have put a stop to that. All those books and knowledge just…gone.

Such a shame.

The water reaches my chest. _Ah Nam Nam!_

I wonder if I just disappeared right in front of Jessie? Did I just step through a portal? Or did I die? I kind of hope I died and left a body. I mean it might scar Jessie for life but at least at least it leaves a body and gives my loved ones closure. Closure is important right?

This would probably really mess with Gideon more than anyone though. The two of us fight and argue. We're brothers. It's part of the job. But I'm probably Gideon's closest friend. And he mine. Brotherhood is a special bond that was very strong between the two of us.

I'm…actually afraid for what will happen to Gideon without me there. He jokes a lot but he has his dark moments. He might decide something…drastic.

God, I hope not.

The water is so high I have to crane my neck up to breath the air at the top of the chest. One hand keeping the phone up out of the water.

 _Habba Habba Moley Moley!_

Damn I chose a stupid death song. Too late to change it now though. I'd hate to a song before it's even half way done.

I, a professional swimmer, am about to die of drowning.

Is that irony? Irony is something you didn't expect. Are swimmers more likely to drown or less?

I-

I-

Tears prick in my eyes. My breath becomes raggid. I don't have time. There's no way I can bust through this chest in time but…I…I.

I don't want to die!

I give a scream of raw emotion. What emotion I'm not sure but there was so much of it I can't help but release it somehow. I take my gun and stab it's tip at the corner where I think the hinge to the chest is. I thrust with wild abandon and desperation the wood chipping and flacking off but only in small splinters.

The water raises over my head the last of the air escaping. The thrust of my gun is now so slow that it fails to truly chip the wood anymore.

I claw with my fingernails at my chose spot, the wood barely being scratched but I persist in desperation. My lungs beginning to inform me that I had to expel some carbon dioxide. I ignore the feeling. That's the major hurdle to get over in swimming. Learning to ignore your body's signal to breath and keep going. I can feel my body telling me to breath, but the usual burn associated with it just…isn't there.

I'm not dying.

I'm not dying!

Ha! That means…I'm just going to be stuck underwater…for who knows how long. Alone. With just my thoughts. I…don't think I can die. At all. I might be impervious, or quantum locked. Stuck in the state I arrived in forever.

Shit.

What horros wait me? When will I go mad from loosing everything I know. Everything- Oh hey! My phone is still working underwater!

At least I'll have something to help with the boredom!


	3. Chapter 3

Warning! This chapter contains dark tones and mentions of suicide! You are hereby warned.

Chapter 3

Ave Maria is still beautiful underwater and actually sounds even more sad. Also, Angry Birds still gets old underwater. I wish I had taken the time to download some other games to have something to do between the frantic clawing and kicking I do to my container to try and get out.

According to my phone its been two days since I was dropped in the ocean and in that time I've managed to confirm several things. For one, I don't get hungry or thirsty anymore, but my biological process appears to still process food, so that means I can eat food without worrying about it just sitting in my stomach! In related news I have now confirmed that I did in-fact swallow someone's finger. I also managed to confirm that whatever is making me invincible is affecting my phone too, as it is still sitting at thirty-six percent charge and the saltwater hasn't glitched it yet.

My Otterbox is good, it's not THAT good.

Being alone all the time like this is starting to affect me too. I haven't spoke in two days. I haven't interacted with anyone in two days. I can feel the stress from that mounting. Humans are social creatures, we need interaction. Not just want. Need. There are actual MRI scans showing brain deterioration if we don't have anyone to interact with.

Granted, that interaction can be with a dog or a fish or something but that tends to have its own problems.

Still! If I keep this up I think I can escape in another day or so. Four days max I should be good. Then I'll be free to escape and use my invincibility and foreknowledge of this world to go fuck up shit and get showered in dollar bills. Well in this world get showered in Belli.

Wait.

Thaaaaaat's why they were the belli belli pirates! Okay makes sense.

Whoever made this chest didn't get paid enough because holy shit this thing is solid! One month has passed and I've managed to make two holes in the chest but haven't managed to escape! Whoever managed that feat deserves a pat on the back! With a knife! Though the credit might also go to whoever made the chains that wrap around my prison!

Also, I now hate the entire playlist on my phone!

And I've managed top scores in every level of angry birds!

In more bad news I now constantly have water in my lungs. My phone was playing music, I forgot for a moment where I was, and went to suck in a huge breath to sing about a small-town girl living in a lonely world. While I can't drown my body appears to still have a gag reflex and doesn't appreciate my lungs being filled with liquid. So I choked on saltwater for several days until my body somehow got the que that I'm okay.

That or my gag reflex is now broken!

Wouldn't that be funny?! Something on me can break!

Enough reminiscing! Back to it!

This finger and I have been trapped in this box for a while now. I should name the finger. I mean…we do have a bond now. You can't live together with someone for two months and not form some sort of bond.

I'm going to name him Pinkie!

Sure, he might be a pointer-finger, but I feel like he identifies as a pinky!

Well I have to get Pinkie out of here. He's been a good friend to me and he needs out of this tiny box. Pinkie is starting to have dark thoughts, and I don't want him to do anything drastic. The fact that the chains and metal bits on the chest are starting to rust will only help. The wood is starting to get softer to the touch as well. I can actually fit an entire leg out of one of the holes now! I tried scooting the chest along the ground with just that, but I kept running into stuff.

It's okay though. Me and Pinkie got this! Even if Pinkie is starting to decay.

This is it! Todays the day! Only two and half months under da sea and I only need the hole to be an inch larger and I'll be able to escape to sweet sweet freedom!

I wish Pinkie were here to see this but…he knew too much. I had to take care of him. Still! I have a good feeling about today!

A give a few more kicks that reward me with a loud cracking sound.

I squeeze my way out and get ready to swim my ass to fresh air! I dart forward…and bang my head on something.

It was a metal bar. To a cage.

They put the box in a metal cage before throwing it overboard.

WHY!? What the hell did I do to merit that! I didn't even kill any of them! Unless the former owner of Pinkie managed to bleed out or die of disease. This is a waste of money and most importantly it has me still trapped in the ocean on this cursed fucking planet!

I don't want fame or riches or power! I don't care any sort of cause or meaning in death! I just want to be free! I just want to be home! To sit down with my parents and friends and walk! And Gideon! I missed Gideon! Giant ass-hole that he was I so just wanted to talk to him! He and I can talk for hours and never grow bored. We can stare at a screen and share ideas and just be ourselves. God, I miss that.

Even if I managed to escape I couldn't have that! I'm in another world. Alone. Trapped in a prison that any decent human being would find inhumane.

It just wasn't fair!

I grab the bars of my cage and slam my head against it as hard as I can. Doing so again and again with enough force to make my whole cage rattle.

And I still felt no pain.

God, I miss pain. If I don't hurt…how can I know I'm even alive!

I kick and scream and yell and claw at my skin. More like a rabid animal than a reasonable human being. I continued to kick and tear at the box that use to contain me as I broke it into as tiny of pieces as possible.

That damn thing would never be able to contain something else again!

I'm not sure how long I raged for, but I know what broke me out.

I was throwing everything I could my hands on out of the cage while screaming like demon-possessed cat. Well I would have been screaming if it weren't for the fact that my lungs were still filled with water. Anyways, my rage left with only cold fear as I realized the last thing I had thrown.

My phone.

Which brought to my present state of being curled into a ball in the corner of my cage.

I just wish I could hug someone. Touch someone. I'd even take one of Gideon's noogies.

 _Ha! I knew you like them!_

I sit up in surprise.

Gideon?

 _Sup?_

What? How are you communicating with me underwater? Why now?

 _I don't know man. Maybe because you got out of the box? Maybe because of time distortion across dimension? Maybe I've been in your head this hole time but just dormant? I don't know, I'm not exactly an expert in metaphysics._

I…you…Gideon! I missed you!

 _Of course you did. I'm awesome. Don't worry man. I'll keep you company!_

A warmth fills me. A tension leaves my body as a basic need is filled.

I'm not alone.

' _I'm not saying Star Wars doesn't have anything good in it. I'm just saying the idea of Star Wars is better than Star Wars.'_ I think at my brother.

' _What?'_ Came Gideons incredulous voice, ' _That doesn't make any…wait…actually, yeah, you might be right.'_

' _Ha! Point for me!'_ I think smugly.

' _Yeah, yeah, whatever. How about another game of tic-tac-toe?'_

' _Hell no. You always win those. You know the trick to winning.'_

' _And that's why I want to play.'_

' _Pompous ass.'_ I think

' _Whiner.'_ He responds.

I've really calmed down since Gideon showed up. I'm not having manic episode anymore, though I am still occasionally depressed. That's normal under the circumstances I think. I miss my phone but as long as I have Gideon here keeping me company I think I can function until I file through one of the bars or they rust over and become brittle enough for me to break. No matter how many months it takes.

' _I wasn't that bad.'_ I think at my brother.

' _Dude. You had befriended a fucking pinky.'_

' _Pointer finger.'_ I correct.

' _I really don't think that matters to the point I'm making.'_

'… _fair.'_ I admit with a nod of my head.

' _Too bad for you this didn't up the other way around with you as a psychic entity in my head! There are so many perks to this. I can just pull up the idea of a food an can taste it like I'm actually eating it!'_

' _What? No you can't. There's no way it works that way.'_

' _Shows what you know. Mmmm. Rocky Road.'_

'… _you are a jackass.'_

' _Sorry, can't hear you over the sounds of the ice cream. Nom nom nom.'_

' _What? That doesn't make any-'_

' _NOM NOM NOM!'_

I give a twirl and kick the bars of my prison with a resounding clang.

' _Why are you doing this again?'_

' _This is the One Piece universe. Knowing how to fight underwater is going to come in handy, especially if I run into a fishman.'_ I think back as I give several quick jabs at the metal.

' _You can't take a fishman in a fight. They would just out-muscle you.'_

I give a punch that I let flow into an elbow and follow up with a headbutt.

' _Not if I train. In One Piece anyone can become a badass with enough effort.'_

' _Yeah but for muscles to get stronger they have to tear in the first place. Yours don't do that. You can't get stronger.'_

That brings me up short. I'd never thought of that.

' _Okay. Maybe not.'_ I concede, _'But I can grow more skilled. Plus I can pick up things to supplement my power, like dials, devil fruit weapons, sea stone, maybe even eat a devil fruit myself. Not to mention haki.'_

' _True. Then I guess it's a good thing it was you and not me on the outside. You are waaaay more fit than I was when we crossed over here.'_

' _Ha! Yeah. I don't think you could even touch your toes without grunting.'_

'… _now that's just hurtful.'_

' _So how long do you think we've been down here?'_ I ask.

' _I don't know. A couple years? Maybe three?'_

Loosing my phone had really hampered my ability to tell time. I could tell when days passed but I couldn't do anything about keeping track of it. I could write in the sand but that obviously didn't stay. I tried using the wood from what was left of the chest but I had already run out of room on that.

' _I think that sounds right.'_

Whatever this cage was made out of was damn hard and didn't seem to rust. It must be a One Piece metal because I had no idea of anything on the periodic table that fit the properties of this thing.

Still, things weren't so bad now. I still wanted to leave the damn cage but I have gained an appreciation for my life now. At noon when the sun was high in the sky the view was breathtaking. I also got to see all kinds of interesting fish. Even a dolphin the size of city bus once. It aloud me to see just a tiny bit of the impossible that existed out in this world, and I would often dream of going out and exploring it once I got free.

' _You aren't going to go wimp out on that after you get free are you?'_ Gideon asks, _'Or do something truly dumb and not leave even after the cage is cracked open.'_

' _Nope. As soon as I get out I'm taking an express ticket to adventure.'_

' _Well then. Sounds like you're a pirate mate.'_

' _A peace main pirate atleast.'_

' _Either way, drink up me harty yo ho!'_

'… _you are going to think at me in a pirate accent for the next week aren't you?'_ I think at him.

' _Now that you've let me know that will annoy you, abso-fucking-lutely.'_

I give the bars of my cell a headbutt.

' _That's a big fucking eel.'_ Gideon says.

And he was right. Out in the water I see the largest sea creature I'd ever laid eyes on. I'd put it around the size of a blue whale. The light of the noon sun gleamed off its green scales and it swam with a certain grace and with the bearing of something used to not being challenged. Something that was use to eating and not being eaten. This was not just a fish.

It was king of the sea.

' _Actually. I think it looks like a big fucking key.'_

' _Oh…oh! That is good._ '

I bang on the bars of my cell and wave my arms around, doing everything I can to get thing things attention.

It worked.

The Sea King's head darts towards my cage and has it's jaws clamp down on my cage. The metal groaned for only a few seconds before snapping and twisting, allowing the jaws of the Sea King to clamp down around me.

I am free! No more cage! No more confinement! I can go wherever I want!

Then the eel swallowed me.

' _Don't worry. I'm sure he doesn't take more than a day or two to digest his food.'_.


	4. Chapter 4

My first time feeling wind in the last several years is glorious, it's caress ruffling my clothes wildly. The sun was glorious as I felt it's warmth on my skin. I even enjoyed colliding headlong into the lush green hill I was flying into.

' _Hey! We just pulled a Jonah! We got spat back out and everything! Hey, in this situation that would make you Jonah and make me Go-'_

I then plow through out layer of the hill in shower of grass and dirt. Then, to my great surprise, I plow into, and destroy, a wooden chair.

The hell?

"Sweet mother of Guinness!" A female voice yelled.

A person? A PERSON!

First human interaction with a decent human being in years!

' _Hey!'_

' _Shut up you.'_

I gotta make good impression!

I turn around to see a red-headed and freckled woman standing by a primitive stove. The woman looked to be in her forties and seemed to fit in the 'matronly chubby' category, though a movement of her arm showed some serious muscle lay hidden. Her hair was tied up behind her head in simple ponytail, and her clothes look to have once been of a high quality. The woman was holding a spatula in a threatening position in front of her while he other hand groped along the counter in apparent search for something.

' _Probably the steak-knife six inches to the left of where her hand is.'_ Gideon helpfully supplied.

"Where the hell did ye come from!?" The woman yelled in an Irish accent.

' _If you don't hurry up she's going to try and stab you.'_

Right. I step forward and open my mouth to comfort the woman and show her I mean her no harm.

"Blllleughhghghghghackcackglulgh."

Instead of speech my body seems to have realized that there is now air available and it would rather have that than seawater and stomach acid as I give hacking coughs and vomit over a liter of liquid, and a few minnow sized fish, all over the nice kitchen floor.

' _That is nice tile. The grout work could be better though.'_

"Augh! Tha's disgustin'!"

As far as first impressions go? Nailed it.

After a few moments more of violent expulsion I take in a deep breath. The room smells of potatoes, soil, rosemary, cedar wood, bacon, and smoke. It is **divine**.

"Are ye' okay there?" the woman asks, her spatula lowered and her stance not quite so aggressive. Though she did now a steak-knife in her hand.

"I..I think I'm good." I reply.

"Good." The woman replies before grabbing a towel off the counter and throwing it at my head. "Now clean up the damn floor and ye' better hope ye' know how to fix a roof properly!"

' _I like her.'_ Gideon says.

' _Why?'_

' _Because I bet she has some kickass beer somewhere around here.'_

"Don't you want to know who I am before start?" I ask.

"Why? Will it help with cleanin' the floor?"

"Uh…I don't think so."

"Then get your skinny ass cleanin' and talk while ye' work. Do a good enough job and ye'll get ta stay fer lunch."

"…yes ma'am." I answer and get on my knees to clean.

' _Okay she's also my favorite because she just made you her bitch in like five seconds.'_

"So yer sayin' tha ye got eaten by a Sea King an ye' managed to survive by catching yerself in his throat?"

"Yep." I say as try to mop up the mess I had made with a towel. "Couldn't have managed it without this baby." I give a quick pat to my hunting rifle, which I had managed to keep ahold of. Though not my cellphone. Damn I missed my cell phone.

"How'd ye get out then?"

"Projectile vomit." I answer.

"I can't decide if thas impressive or pitiable."

"Probably both."

"I dun think I'd have believed ye' if it weren't fer the smell." The woman says knowing most of the story of how I came to be dumped through her roof. Though I edited out my invincibility, breathing underwater, and exactly how long I had been trapped underwater before being swallowed by a sea king. Also skipped out on the whole 'I'm from another world where this is a fictional work thing.'

It's also become obvious that her home is a hobbit house. It even has the big circle door! The decor inside all looks well-made and has a certain homey style that I appreciate, though everything also seems as if it has seen better years. I could see myself having a house like-

Wait, did she say I stank?

"Smell?" I ask.

"Ye' absolutely smell like ye' been in a fish stomach. Which is why yer gonna go wash up before we eat."

"Oh." I say as I give myself an experimental sniff. I don't smell anything, but I might have just gotten use to the smell of the ocean and fish by now.

' _That or she just means your natural scent. I mean, your room always had a…smell.'_

' _It did not!'_

' _Yeah. Sure. Okay bro. No smell at all.'_

Damn I hated the sarcastic agreement. There isn't really a rebuttal for it.

"Well, again, I'm really sorry about this. It was a complete accident Miss…."

"Annie. O'Hara Annie." The woman says extending her hand.

I'm so glad she went first. I'd have forgotten to flip the name if she hadn't.

"Dunn Benjamin." I reply and take the offered hand. "Though you can call me Ben."

"Well, Ben, what had ye' sailin' the high seas and runnin' into pirates?"

"Oh. Um." I stammer.

' _Great job. You've literally had years to think about this and never settled on something.'_ Gideon snarks.

"I was a student. And I…received the call to adventure?" I answer.

' _Maybe don't phrase it like a question, dumbass.'_ Gideon helpfully inputs.

Annie stared at me with an eyebrow raised though she doesn't say anything to discredit my words. "Well I'm sorry tha' he had to be spittin' you on this island. Bad luck that."

"What?" My brow furrows, "Why would this-"

The front door bursts open and slams into the wall with a boom like fallen timber. Accompanied by a cry of "They're going to kill him!"

I turn to look behind me and see a girl. Well young woman might be more appropriate. She too is a red-head though she is less freckled and more had small patches of white between her freckles. Her hair is also best described as "ginger". She wears a shamrock-green silk dress, diamonds in her ears and on her finger. Her feet also wear a pair of laced up hiking boots that are covered in mud that seems to have splattered all over the bottom of the very expensive dress.

The girls is also in tears. Her eyes too puffy and red to have just recently started crying. The girl waits only a moment at the door before she dashes over to Annie and throws her arms around the woman's shoulders.

"Princess!" Annie shouts in surprise.

Princess? Like legit princess?

"He- He- He said he's going to kill him after the ceremony! I- He can't-" Her words devolve into the body wracking sobbing that can't be understood as just words, though all nearby can feel the emotion behind them. Annie's hand starts to gently rub the girl's back in circles and pulls the girl closer into her.

A look passes over Annie's face. A look I saw sparingly in life from my mother but knew to fear. It was the look of a mama bear deciding she wanted to fuck someone up, and God have mercy on whatever soul gets in her way.

' _We're helping.'_ Gideon says.

' _What? We don't even know what's going on!'_

' _Doesn't matter. Someone's apparently going to be killed, and there is a princess in distress. We can't NOT help; we would lose all man-cred if we did nothing.'_

' _You don't know if she's a real princess. It could be her actual given name, or a nickname. It doesn't mean she's the royalty of a country.'_

Gideon makes a tutting noise, _'I thought I taught you better than that man. All girls are princesses.'_

' _And I keep telling you that isn't true.'_

"Hey." I speak up, causing the princess to turn towards me in shock. Apparently, she hadn't seen me before her sprint towards Annie. "What's going on? Maybe I can help."

Annie gives me a searching look before helping the princess to stand and begins to nudge her towards the bathroom. "Go on dear. Go an' wash up. Ye can come back when ya've composed yerself."

The princess gives a shaken nod before heading off down a small hall. Likely to a bathroom of some kind. Annie turns to me with a look as serious as the grave.

"Are ye' sure tha you wan to be in this, lad? These be matters of royals, Marines, and death. If ye get involved ye might not be able to go back to yer normal life."

I give a snort, "I'm afraid that decision has already been made."

' _And without our consent.'_ Gideon adds.

"So, who's going to die?" I ask, "Brother? Father? Boyfriend?"

Annie shakes her head and sits herself back down, "In truth it would be more accurate to say tha' it's a 'what' not a 'he'. Though callin' it a mere animal is a bit insultin'. Ya see the royal family has had a guardian fer a long time. The Feilric, by all accounts, has been alive as long we've been a country. Some say he's tha' he's the embodiment of the souls of the royal line. Other's tha he's a monster created durin tha void history. Whatever he is, he's the one tha' protected this island an' it's inhabitants. An' he'd only ever answer to tha' royal line."

Annie's lip then curled like she'd just caught a whiff a rotting rat. "An he did a bang up job of it until Captain Weston" she took a moment to spit on the ground, "became tha' Marine in charge of tha' base here."

Ah. I think I see where this is going. "Let me guess. He's pretty strong. Stronger than all the rest of the soldiers and just a bit stronger than the Feilric. And he decided that since he's so strong, he should be in charge."

Annie gave a small nod. "Bang on. It probably wouldn' have worked on most other islands long term, but the island is surrounded by unforgiving rocks al about the shore an' the tall crags through most of tha island. You'd be hard pressed to get even a dingy out past them. Tha only place to really come inland is at the docks."

"And let me just guess where the Marine base is." I say.

"Aye." She says shaking her head sadly, "It's served us well fer the most part. Keeps most any enemy from getting' in. But is damn hard liability when ya' need to get word out fer reinforcements. Sometimes I worry tha-"

Suddenly there is a staccato of rubber on wood as the princess comes lunging into the room, "I totally forgot! While I ran here I-"

"Alright freeze!" A male voice yelled from the door as three Marine's walked into the house. Riffle barrels pointed at me and Annie. Noticeably not the princess.

' _Ha! But two of them are pointing at Annie. They think you're less of a threat!'_

' _Shut up Gideon. This is a bit serious.'_

' _Eh. Only a little. Dude. You're bullet proof. What are they going to do to you?'_

Oh. Right.

"Princess. Come with us without a fight and we'll just put them in shackles for a few months." The head Marine states, a stout man with an olive completion and well waxed mustache.

The threat left Annie frozen and the Princess in shock before looking down at the ground, her fingers clenching into her dress.

Like hell I'm going to be confined again! Fuck that!

"And what are you going to do if I tell you that she's not going anywhere?" I ask as I take a big step towards them.

"This." The mustache answered as there was a click-BANG and gun-smoke filled the air. My head snapped back and I hear the Princess release a scream of horror.

I stumble for a moment and catch myself. I slowly bring my head back down to stare at the mustached man. Said man's smug satisfaction was making way for a quaking in his boots. I reach up and peel the flattened bullet off my head.

My eyes narrow and I growl, "Bitch, did you just shoot me?"

"I..uh…I" the man stammers.

"Oh. It's on now." I say as I stalk forward.

"Fire! Fire! Kill him! Stab him!" the man yells as he scrambles over himself and runs out the door like a very fat new-born colt. The Marine's panicked orders fading into the distance as he does an impressive job of sprinting.

' _Damn. For a fat-ass he can out run Usain Bolt!'_ Gideon giggles.

The two remaining Marines dropped their guns and pull out their swords. A wise choice considering how devil fruit work. There are at least a few devil fruits I can think of that are immune to blunt force or cutting but not both.

I caught their incoming blades in my hands, their sharpened edges pressing into my palms with no effect. The men stare in shock.

' _And it was then they knew…they fucked up.'_ Gideon supplied.

I release the blade on the left to coldcock the guy on the right in the jaw. My fist feeling the impact of flesh for the first time in my life. It is much more satisfying than hitting the bars of a cage. The man gave a dull groan and went down like a sack of potatoes, his sword still in my hand.

It makes for an excellent tool for slamming hilt first into the head of the other Marine, who raised his arms to defend from the assault.

So I kick him the balls.

' _You can't keep resorting to that, man. It's just not right.'_

' _Psh. Shows what you know.'_

I sweep the legs from underneath the man holding his junk and then rest my heel lightly against his throat.

"So, Annie, is there any use to keeping one of them captive?" I ask and glance over my shoulder towards the two women in the room.

The Princess appears to still be processing what just happened, whereas Annie was grinning like a loon.

"No' really. Ye' can cut em loose. But you? Oh ye' I might be keeping." Her demeaner grew predatory.

"Um…I'm going to need a safeword?" I ask.

"Only if yer a good lad."

' _Oh yes. I like this one.'_

' _Nobody asked you Gideon.'_

So! That!

Also I need some held. I have been trying to write/find a celticish song about hope and/or home and I can't find one. It's actually going to be plot relevant so if anyone who knows of one I'd appreciate you passing it along.


End file.
